Break Up's and Relationship Problems I've Had

This might be pointless to read or you might not care what this is about BUT you said I can write about anything on my mind, so that's what I'm going to do.

This blog will be about my perfect guy that I need to find and the heartbreaks I've been through in the past.

Lets start with the heartbreaks.

My first heartbreak was during 2005-2006 and it went on through 2009.
I created an account on MyCrib.net not knowing that I would find someone I truly cared about and thought they cared about me as well.
His name was Michael Christopher Casamassina.
I still remember our first conversation on MyCrib.net, It was in 2005 or 2006.
He messaged me saying "Another Chris Brown Fan?", At the time, I was obsessed with Chris Brown and my MyCrib was full of Chris Brown stuff.
After he messaged me saying that, We just started getting really close with each other.
He lives in Baltimore, Maryland. Its about 7 hour drive from Canada, I think.
I have never met him in person. We always chatted on MyCrib, MSN, Yahoo, AIM, and MySpace/Facebook. We talked on the phone, went on web cam with each other. I wrote him a song in 2007 but I don't remember it nor do I have it anymore. We were always on and off again. The first few months we were talking, I just fell in love with him. But then all the shit started happening. All these random girls adding me or message me saying "Ooh, Take my boyfriend off your page, bitch!" or they would say "Mike is dating me, NOT YOU!" so i got mad and confirmed this to him, He denied it. But then every single day different girls were doing the same thing and it just never stopped. So I kept blocking them and stuff like that. He still Denys it till this day. I know he was cheating. I know Mike. I know how he is. But even though he cheated on me, I still love him. We don't talk as much as we used to, But I think its because he just doesn't care about anybody but himself. He was my first love. He sent me songs from YouTube and he dedicated them to me and he told me secrets that he never told anybody before. We were always so open until the drama happened.

I'm scared to become in a relationship again because I don't want to get hurt again.
The way Mike hurt me was honestly killing me.
I kept starving myself every time he cheated or broke up with me on the phone.
But when we got back together I was fine.
It got so bad that I had to go to the hospital because I was going NUTS!
I honestly couldn't eat, i was crying every day and every night, i couldn't think straight.
It got really bad.

Now lets go to the perfect guy section of this blog.

OK the perfect guy for me is someone who doesn't cheat or lie. I dislike guys who cheat. I've been through that and it doesn't feel good. It makes you feel like your not important and that nobody loves you. You feel like you just want to die and you feel humiliated when guys cheat on you or lie to you. Its not a good feeling at all. Guys should really care about a girl. If a guy says "I Love You" they should mean it. They should mean the words when they say "I Love You" to a girl. They shouldn't just say it for the hell of it because in the end the girl will find out that the guy is lieing about it and then the girl will go into depression like how I was.
If a girl wants to spend time with her friends, Its not right for the boyfriend to ask his girlfriend questions about where she was and who she was with because its non of his business. If she wants to go out for a few hours with her family or friends she has the right to. But if her boyfriend has suspicions that the girl is seeing someone else then sure, he has the right to confront her but not spy and ask questions constantly.
The perfect guy for me would have to be someone who is comfortable being themselves and someone who is a MJ fanatic like me. I dated a lot of MJ haters and it just doesn't work out. I can not date an MJ hater. I've tried, God knows I tried but I just cant do it.
I cant lie, I'm shallow. I date people who are cute even though they are such assholes. I don't date ugly people and I think that's the main problem. I don't want to be shallow anymore. I want to love someone for who they are inside and not because of there looks. Mike was cute, and he was honest at first but when the drama started happening he just changed and my feelings for him just slowly faded away. I do still love him. I do still try to find someone that looks like him but I just cant picture myself being with someone other then him. I know he hurt me really bad but I just cant stop loving him. We have history together. I cant forget about him I will never forget about him.