Worst Day Of My Life!!!!

Yesterday was the worst day of my life.

When I woke up at 9:00am I felt sick so I went to the bathroom and pucked in the sink.
I felt dizzy and I couldn't breath well so I fainted in the bathroom with the door locked.
My sister was in bed sleeping, My mother wasn't home, My other sister was with my mom so that being said, Nobody was there to do anything about me being fainted.
I finally had enough strength to get up off the floor and get out of the bathroom BUT that didn't go so well because in the hallway, I felt dizzy again and I didn't want to fall so I tried to get a good grip of the wall but somehow, I fell and hit my face off the corner of the wall in the hallway and just was laying there because I couldn't move and I kept trying to keep my breath going.
My sister Jodi kept calling, I couldn't answer it. My sister Ashley finally woke up and she saw me on the floor. She told Jodi "Nicole is on the floor, She fainted. COME HOME!" So luckily my mom and Jodi came home BUT it wasn't soon enough. My sister Ashley kept telling me to get changed because I was going to the hospital. I couldn't move so I already knew I couldn't get changed but Ashley doesn't really understand that. She didn't really care because she knew I was on the floor and she was trying to make me get changed (she wasn't even going to help me). The only good thing she did was tell my sister to come home.

The ambulance came, They took me to the hospital. Me and my mom waited there for about 5 hours just to see a doctor and waited 2 hours just to get things checked out. We were there all day. We finally came back home around 10:00pm. The doctor had to put an IV in my vains. It hurt so much, I still have a mark on my hand on where they put the IV in. The arm they put the IV in was so cold, It felt like ice. My mom had an IV in her before but her arm was never this cold so my mom complained and told the doctor but obviously, The doctor just said it was normal (yea right!). They had to do x-rays on me and give me needles. They checked everything to see if I was OK. Soon enough, The doctor said that I wasn't sick. It was just my throat and that It will get better in a few weeks. I asked him about my fainting and he just told me that its normal for someone to faint while feeling dizzy and stuff. I don't think that's normal but hey what do I know!

Me and my mom went home and we watched a movie and we had Chinese food. I couldn't eat that much so my mom gave me a little bit.

Yesterday was the worst day of my life.
I honestly thought I was going to die!!!

Break Up's and Relationship Problems I've Had

This might be pointless to read or you might not care what this is about BUT you said I can write about anything on my mind, so that's what I'm going to do.

This blog will be about my perfect guy that I need to find and the heartbreaks I've been through in the past.

Lets start with the heartbreaks.

My first heartbreak was during 2005-2006 and it went on through 2009.
I created an account on MyCrib.net not knowing that I would find someone I truly cared about and thought they cared about me as well.
His name was Michael Christopher Casamassina.
I still remember our first conversation on MyCrib.net, It was in 2005 or 2006.
He messaged me saying "Another Chris Brown Fan?", At the time, I was obsessed with Chris Brown and my MyCrib was full of Chris Brown stuff.
After he messaged me saying that, We just started getting really close with each other.
He lives in Baltimore, Maryland. Its about 7 hour drive from Canada, I think.
I have never met him in person. We always chatted on MyCrib, MSN, Yahoo, AIM, and MySpace/Facebook. We talked on the phone, went on web cam with each other. I wrote him a song in 2007 but I don't remember it nor do I have it anymore. We were always on and off again. The first few months we were talking, I just fell in love with him. But then all the shit started happening. All these random girls adding me or message me saying "Ooh, Take my boyfriend off your page, bitch!" or they would say "Mike is dating me, NOT YOU!" so i got mad and confirmed this to him, He denied it. But then every single day different girls were doing the same thing and it just never stopped. So I kept blocking them and stuff like that. He still Denys it till this day. I know he was cheating. I know Mike. I know how he is. But even though he cheated on me, I still love him. We don't talk as much as we used to, But I think its because he just doesn't care about anybody but himself. He was my first love. He sent me songs from YouTube and he dedicated them to me and he told me secrets that he never told anybody before. We were always so open until the drama happened.

I'm scared to become in a relationship again because I don't want to get hurt again.
The way Mike hurt me was honestly killing me.
I kept starving myself every time he cheated or broke up with me on the phone.
But when we got back together I was fine.
It got so bad that I had to go to the hospital because I was going NUTS!
I honestly couldn't eat, i was crying every day and every night, i couldn't think straight.
It got really bad.

Now lets go to the perfect guy section of this blog.

OK the perfect guy for me is someone who doesn't cheat or lie. I dislike guys who cheat. I've been through that and it doesn't feel good. It makes you feel like your not important and that nobody loves you. You feel like you just want to die and you feel humiliated when guys cheat on you or lie to you. Its not a good feeling at all. Guys should really care about a girl. If a guy says "I Love You" they should mean it. They should mean the words when they say "I Love You" to a girl. They shouldn't just say it for the hell of it because in the end the girl will find out that the guy is lieing about it and then the girl will go into depression like how I was.
If a girl wants to spend time with her friends, Its not right for the boyfriend to ask his girlfriend questions about where she was and who she was with because its non of his business. If she wants to go out for a few hours with her family or friends she has the right to. But if her boyfriend has suspicions that the girl is seeing someone else then sure, he has the right to confront her but not spy and ask questions constantly.
The perfect guy for me would have to be someone who is comfortable being themselves and someone who is a MJ fanatic like me. I dated a lot of MJ haters and it just doesn't work out. I can not date an MJ hater. I've tried, God knows I tried but I just cant do it.
I cant lie, I'm shallow. I date people who are cute even though they are such assholes. I don't date ugly people and I think that's the main problem. I don't want to be shallow anymore. I want to love someone for who they are inside and not because of there looks. Mike was cute, and he was honest at first but when the drama started happening he just changed and my feelings for him just slowly faded away. I do still love him. I do still try to find someone that looks like him but I just cant picture myself being with someone other then him. I know he hurt me really bad but I just cant stop loving him. We have history together. I cant forget about him I will never forget about him.

Worse Birthday Party Ever!

I had my Birthday Party on Friday 19th 2010.
It didn't even feel like it was my party because everybody in my family was having fun except for me.
I couldn't listen to my music because they were putting on their music.
I don't drink because I choose not to but they were drinking all night.
They made me put headphones on so I could listen to my music.
They all were having a wonderful time except for me, THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!
I was upset.
My mother was even having a good time and I don't think she understood how I was feeling.
She was drunk anyways, So its not like she would care.

My birthday party was the worse I've ever had in my life.
I had no fun, what so ever!
I felt left out of everything they were doing.
And I didn't even know half the people they brought over.
I was sitting on the couch alone while they were all dancing and singing and having a ball.

It was rude what they did.
I hated my party.
Hopefully next year will be different!

My Birthday

Today is my birthday, As you may already know.
I woke up at 11:00pm and went to my sister's house to use her computer.
I designed a picture of Jeydon Wale and I made a video of Jeydon Wale.
I uploaded it on MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube.

As I mentioned already, Its my birthday.
I'm 18 years old today.
The first person to say "Happy Birthday" to me was a singer on MySpace named "Lethal".
He was the FIRST person to say the words "Happy Birthday" to me.
I messaged a lot of singers/friends on my accounts to say Happy Birthday to me and I got nothing from them.
Lethal is famous and he stopped whatever he was doing at the time to say "Happy Birthday" to me, A fan!

That's all I wanted to say...
I just thought that was weird that Lethal did that and nobody else did yet.

The Boy

I've known this boy for years, Since I was 6 years old or 5. We were best friends until I moved away with my mother. We lost contact for years. At the end of 2009, Before the new year came. Me and him got back into talking again. I thought it was all a dream and that this wasn't happening. My sister worked with his mother at Wendy's and he went there to buy something to eat, Well my sister was talking to him asking him if he remembered ME and he said "Yeah, I remember Nicole." then he asked my sister to ask me to add him to Facebook. I obviously did because I missed talking to him. We chatted on Facebook the next day. He said he always had a crush on me and that he never told anybody before. I had a crush on him also. I had a crush on him for years. When we were little we used to spend 24/7 together. When we started hanging out again at the end of 2009, I don't even know what happened but we just started dating. He took me to the movies and took me to a restaurant and bought me stuff. I'm not the kind of girl who likes there boyfriends to buy them stuff because I always feel guilty and that I did something bad. I talked to him about it, He didn't really understand though. When we were younger we had so much in common, But after we stopped talking I guess we both changed BIG TIME. We have nothing in common anymore. I just wish we never stopped talking and that we still had things in common. I do talk to him sometimes but not as much because of the fact he is an MJ hater and I dint talk to MJ haters. A couple days ago, He messaged me on MSN telling me that after he is finished school he was going to go to the Army. I didn't know what to say to that because I was scared and I still am scared. I dint want him going there because I don't want him dieing or getting hurt. Even though me and him isn't dating anymore doesn't mean I don't care about him. I known him for years, Since I was 6 years old or 5. I cant see him going to the Army. I cant be happy for him. I don't want to lose him again. That's going to kill me. Not literally but it will break my heart knowing that he is over there and might be dead. I don't want to talk to him on MSN anymore because I dint want him telling me he is going or the day he is going because then I will start to cry. Me and him had so many good times when we were younger. Those memories wont ever leave or fade away. I will always love him. NO MATTER WHAT! I haven't told him any of this stuff and I don't want to because he wont listen or believe me anyways, I don't think.

Anyways, That's all I wanted to say. BYE.

Earth Poem by Michael Jackson

This poem is beautiful.

Michael loved the world so much and he wanted all of us to heal the world with him.

This poem really touched my heart when I heard it.

Planet Earth, my home, my place
A capricious anomaly in the sea of space
Planet Earth are you just
Floating by, a cloud of dust
A minor globe, about to bust
A piece of metal bound to rust
A speck of matter in a mindless void
A lonely spacship, a large asteroid
Cold as a rock without a hue
Held together with a bit of glue
Something tells me this isn't true
You are my sweetheart soft and blue
Do you care, have you a part
In the deepest emotions of my own heart
Tender with breezes caressing and whole
Alive with music, haunting my soul.
In my veins I've felt the mystery
Of corridors of time, books of hisotry
Life songs of ages throbbing in my blood
Have danced the rhythm of the tide and flood
Your misty clouds, your electric storm
Were turbulent tempests in my own form
I've licked the salt, the bitter, the sweet
Of every encounter, of passion, of heat
Your riotous color, your fragrance, your taste
Have thrilled my senses beyond all haste
In your beuaty, I've known the how
Of timeless bliss, this moment of now
Planet Earth are you just
Floating by, a cloud of dust
A minor globe, about to bust
A piece of metal bound to rust
A speck of matter in a mindless void
A lonely spacship, a large asteroid
Cold as a rock without a hue
Held together with a bit of glue
Something tells me this isn't true
You are my sweetheart gentle and blue
Do you care, have you a part
In the deepest emotions of my own heart
Tender with breezes caressing and whole
Alive with music, haunting my soul.
Planet Earth, gentle and blue
With all my heart, I love you.

MJ Poem I wrote

When MJ moonwalked for the first time on Motown 25
We all knew he was going to be a legend for all time
June 25th 2009 was a heartbreaking day
Mike had died and left all his fans behind
He knew we all loved him
He knew he was an idol to everybody
I just look up in the sky now and i wonder
Why did you have to go SO soon
I seen on YouTube a video of MJ’s spirit in Neverland
It made me realize that he had some unfinished business
I believe he wants to get revenge to all the people that hurt him
People say he is a ghost but i say
He isn't a ghost
He wanted to be in the place he loved the most

The saddest day of my life.

I still remember the day when Michael Jackson died. I found out in the afternoon of June 25th 2009. I was sleeping, My mom woke me up and said "Nicole, I have bad news" I didn't think anything of it so I said "What did I do now?" and then she said "Nothing, You didn't do anything." then I said "Ok then whats the bad news?", My mother said "Michael had just died". My heart STOPPED. I couldn't speak, I was speechless. I didn't know how to react. I was like "No way, He didn't die. Don't joke around like that mom" and she said "No seriously, He just died" then she put on the news. It was true, He had died. I cried for 6 months, I'm still crying. My heart is broken. I sometimes don't know what to do anymore. Michael Jackson was my everything, He was a part of me. Now that he is gone, Apart of me went with him as well. June 25th 2009 will be known for many many years. That was the day the biggest most powerful artist died. He was only 50 years old and he passed away, GONE TO SOON. I miss him more and more each day. There isn't a day that go's by that I don't think about him. He is always on my mind. He will always be in my heart. We miss you Michael. Rest In Peace baby!

Freedom Writers

1. Why do you think Mrs. Martin and Mr. Pierce chose this film for this class? I think Mr. Martin and Mrs. Martin chose this film for this class because this film is about students that had a rough life growing up. In the movie "Freedom Writers" some of the students were getting beat by their parents or getting raped by their parents or their family members. This film is about students going to school and writing down in a journal about what happened in their life's and what challenges they had to face. When the students handed them into the teacher, Nobody else read it, The only person who was reading the journals was their teacher in the film. Their are a lot of kids in high school that gets raped and beat by family members and they don't talk about it. This film shows how teachers can help out and try to make the kids save from those mean families.



2. Did watching this film change the way you think about high school or teachers or education?Explain. I think it had changed the way I think about high school, teachers, and education. High school is a place where you can feel safe in, or any school in that matter. If your home isn't save and you don't feel comfortable in your own home you should talk to somebody like a teacher at school and they will help you. No child should feel unsafe in their own home. Education is the most important thing a child should have because they need an education to become what they want to be when they are grown up.



3. Was any part of the movie confusing? If so, what question(s) about the movie would you like answered? This movie wasn't confusing for me only because the film "Freedom Writers" is easy to understand if you know somebody that has been in trouble or in a unsafe place. I had a friend back when I was 5 and she used to get raped and beat by her father. She told me not to tell anybody. I had to tell somebody. I told my dad and he at the time was friends with my friend's father so my dad talked to him about it and my friend's father lied about the whole thing. But I know my friend wouldn't say that she was raped and beat if she really didn't. She wasn't like that. When I watched the movie "Freedom Writers" I was thinking to myself "wow, why couldn't my friend do this when she was younger and or told somebody like a teacher".



4. At what point did the students start learning from their teacher? What changed? It was at the middle of the movie. At the beginning, The students always had somebody in their life but the people always got up and left them. Their teacher was always their. The students didn't realize this until the teacher started to catch their attention and gain their trust.



5. Does seeing this film make you feel any differently about your own opportunities in high school or this class. I don't honestly think I feel any differently about my own opportunities in high school. Like I said in question number 3, I watched the film and thought about my friend and what she went through as a child.



6. Is Freedom Writers a good movie? What did (or didn't) you like about it? I liked it. The film was inspiring and I wish their was a class where students can write what happened to them in the past (good or bad) and just wrote what was on their minds. I bet if their was a class like that at Stamford, A lot of kids would be in it.